Carnations and the drifting smell of candy

So I was raised in a family that doesn't really look too highly on Valentine's Day. This has rubbed off on me and so my boyfriend and I didn't do anything. I did go to Walgreens and they gave me a carnation. It's currently in my fish's fish bowl and he seems to like it since he swims around the stem like a damned fool. I helped out at work and the kids got a Valentine's party, little first graders with sugar. Uh oh. Actually it turned out pretty good. After work I went to tutor this guy, and found I really had no energy to tutor him. I made him do a few things and then just gave up and flopped onto his bed and stared at his ceiling as he did some work. Towards the end of it he fell on his bed next to me and we talked about these issues that have presented themselves to me. You see, I have been really down lately. I don't know why I'm writing this to a blog of people who probably don't care or don't understand. However, maybe it's better that way. I don't really feel like I have a reason to do anything lately. It's as if this dark cloud has drifted over me and refuses to go away. I've probably stretched myself too thin with all the things I am doing. With school, working by helping my mom, tutoring and then not to mention the chores in the house since it seems that some of my family members cannot function enough to do anything. I hope to take more pictures soon so that I can put them up here, lets hope I find time to do so. Anyway, Valentines day is over, and the promise of sickly sweets is passing and the smell of babies breath is finding its way around. Thank God I only have a carnation. :)

Disco lights dancing in my mind

So there are a lot of things going through my head. My sister and I are two different people, and she moved out of here, and it seems that since she's gone I have developed into a more girly person. I actually put on makeup, and want to buy cute clothes. I think while she was here I felt it wasn't worth trying to put on makeup or anything because there was already one of us doing it. I know it's probably wrong to think so, but I do. Next I had a hard time understanding my Chemistry this week and went to see the teacher who was amazingly patient and helpful. I joined a German course in my college. Hopefully that will help me with my writing and then I can translate into German without feeling too insecure about spelling it wrong. I have to admit that sometimes when I sit at college alone and find that no one is there with me that I feel lonely. It's not something that I can help. I had a "friend" who said he would meet me quite a few times, but he stood me up each and every time. Now he won't respond to my texts. Hames says it's because I'm mean to him. I guess that's true. However, I can't help it, that guy just brings out my mean personality. I've been drawing again to try and keep my mind off of things. Sadly it hasn't helped much. I still feel like I'm alone and I don't see the point in doing anything because it seems that nothing matters. Gosh I sound emo. It may be my period talking HAHA! I've been talking to Hames' mother. She's really nice. Frighteningly so actually since I'm used to my mom who doesn't really associate with me, and so I can't help but be envious of him. I should probably stop here before I get more depressed. Below are the drawings I have done so far.

 Above is Alice the Angel

 Above is Jeana the Bookworm

 Above is Lys (pronounced Lies) the Playful

Above is Lys (pronounced Lies) the Lonely